Throughout the course of my life I’ve had different opportunities to really take a closer look at my relationships. When I was little there was a lot of abandonment early childhood trauma. And I found that I kept re-capitulating that trauma throughout my relationships.
When we start on the path of healing we start to blame other people. We stand in that victim place. And I think that’s a really important place to start, because that’s the place that says, “What about me?”
And if we don’t start asking, “What about me?” then how are we ever really going to heal? But we can’t stay stuck in that place because what happens when we do that is we’re looking for someone else to come and rescue us. We’re looking for somebody else to come and validate our experience. We’re looking for connection. We’re looking for somebody else to really be the one to make us feel worthy and make us feel loved.
At the beginning of my journey, there was a lot of blame, and a lot of trying to understand what’s wrong with me. You know… “Why am I so unlovable?” “Why can’t I have what they have?”
It was a good starting point, but in the end, it was really about my relationship with myself. And how I gave up on myself. How it is that I make myself the victim to my own thoughts and behaviors. When I really started to own that, and I mean REALLY own that, it’s a really hard thing to do. I think it takes a lot of courage. Which is one of my values and what has gotten me this far.
It's really about, how are we in relationship with ourselves? And for me, that’s what really gives us the power for the life that we want. The life that’s worth living.
How am I in relationship with myself? Because if I’m not in a loving relationship with myself, how am I possibly going to be in a loving relationship with somebody else? If somebody else is telling me how valuable I am and how much they love me, and I can’t receive that… because I don’t buy it! I’m going to continue to be left over and over and over again.
So, that’s part of how I continue to turn pain into power. There are many opportunities daily to continue to keep stepping into that place of power.
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